in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
