OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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