I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Oh god it's open bar.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize