apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
