I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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