The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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