I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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