I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
where are you?
Hypothermia
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
