Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
