3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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