I think i sorta joined a cult last night
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
