Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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