I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
