What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
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