Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I am available for nakedness
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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