She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
