I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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