How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
