party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize