So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
did i walk over a car last night?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
