i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Randomize
