we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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