You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
