Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
