I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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