How'd it feel making her break her religion?
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
