Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
