I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
