I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
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