"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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