I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
