May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
