I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
