Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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