So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
