how can u be prego again
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
