I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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