Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
