i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
