The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
