yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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