he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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