just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
