a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
