Someone shit on the floor
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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