so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize
