No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
