I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
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