found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Randomize
