my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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