So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
