I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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