Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
