I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
