i jhust puked up my retainher.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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