did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
