I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
