my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
