i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
