Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
