haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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