im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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