Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
