Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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